I’m not there yet but
maybe one day.
I’m talking about the pink ribbons and all.
For right now,
I’m going to allow
myself to feel what I feel.
A part of the reason a lot of folks didn’t know…
I didn’t want my thoughts to be interrupted anymore than what they already had been.
I didn’t want your love to inform my experience.
If it taught a lesson I wanted to learn. If it hurt I wanted to cry.
I wanted silence.
See, my moon is in Cancer and my sun is in Leo
so when I go in my shell it’s with roaring determination
and some days I couldn’t sit
cause the infusions made my chest feel
like heavy clouds were moving through them
and some days I couldn’t stand
cause the neuropathy numbed my toes
and I didn’t know they wouldn’t bend
until I tried to walk one day / and fell.
and some days I would just
close my eyes
cause my nervous system was so jacked up
my eyes twitched until
I had a piercing headache.
I wanted silence.
Nikki Skies 