Tag Archives: cancer

about the ribbons

Maybe it’s not stating a prison number instead of your name
but for certain a wrist badge with your birthdate
and a, “tell us your full name please”
becomes your identity until salaries are paid.
Until bills are made and passed
to keep the torture going.
/ lobotomies remain a threat for those who imply an uprising
of thoughts

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It’s ok girl,
You don’t have to join the ribbons just yet / if ever.
believe what you want
It’s ok girl,
You don’t have to play pretend they’re fundraising for a cure.
go on and be sugar cane
Let them know your sweetness is going to be hard to get
go and let them know  / you know
they got the cure
It’s hiding in the overhead coverages
of their non-profits
It’s ok curly/short haired girl,
show that drug infused swollen body
snap that thick neck and roll your eyes
go on and show them your scarred up chest
your burnt cleavage and peeling skin
show that radiation racing to your clavicle
the rawness under your breast
show how you still here  / cause like millions of others,
you tricked your body into dying to stay alive.
It’s ok girl,
You know the power of now
cause twice you had thoughts of tomorrow
being ok not to come
Naw, don’t be ashamed!
no time for that when the value of every second is gold.
when you were still granted a sunrise and a desk topped with
paper and pens

It’s ok if you don’t feel like pretending today.
If you don’t feel like walking with the crowd
cause you can’t keep up yet / shoes snug around freshly grown back toe nails
go on and sit .
think about things.
the words, will come to you as they always have.

You don’t have to join the ribbons just yet / if ever.

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with no interruptions

I’m not there yet but
maybe one day.
I’m talking about the pink ribbons and all.

For right now,
I’m going to allow
myself to feel what I feel.

A part of the reason a lot of folks didn’t know…
I didn’t want my thoughts to be interrupted anymore than what they already had been.
I didn’t want your love to inform my experience.
If it taught a lesson I wanted to learn. If it hurt I wanted to cry.

I wanted silence.

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See, my moon is in Cancer and my sun is in Leo
so when I go in my shell it’s with roaring determination

and some days I couldn’t sit
cause the infusions made my chest feel
like heavy clouds were moving through them
and some days I couldn’t stand

cause the neuropathy numbed my toes

and I didn’t know they wouldn’t bend
until I tried to walk one day / and fell.

and some days I would just
close my eyes
cause my nervous system was so jacked up
my eyes twitched until
I had a piercing headache.

I wanted silence.

Continue reading with no interruptions