her name is Coco. she was the brave one when I was petrified to walk in front of the class to speak. she was the one who dreamed me through tough times. she has impeccable comedic timing! she loves bright colors and big hair. she is my muse.
seriously, my mother recalls me talking to her and referring to myself as Coco as early as three years old. I haven’t referred her as a part of me in years but, she remains. bringing out the courageous part of me that is an artist. the place in me that remains timeless. oh, the duality of being an artist…
the other day I was thinking if it is truly more liberating to be an artist in Europe. a country where artistry is not thought of as strictly entertainment but linked to the perseverance of their culture. no doubt, this is imitated from the antiquity of Africa where artistry was connected to the seven sciences. there, a writer (djali/griot/scribe) was one of the noblest jobs one could have in ancient times! so important that if the documentation was not accurate, it could mean death to that writer. from what I have heard, artists in Europe get compensated well. what brought those thoughts about were my life long struggles with balancing out my “regular” life and my “artistic” life.
the duality of it all. when I’m on A-Game 100%, the performance art (and product, i.e. books,) pay the bills. when I do something like, let’s say… rest, I have to get that speaking engagement booked with a quickness to rid the urge to dip into the savings account. I have to balance my performance art with education. I yearn for the solace of one. for my two worlds to become one.
as the years go by, I want to turn in my juggler hat. I’m losing the patience of being careful and I just want to have the gig of writer/performer. I suppose what Coco has allowed me to do is always have a safe plan b. say what you want but… that trait ends with me. no safe plans for my nieces! no plan b! go with your heart and MAKE PLAN “A” WORK!