Art and Loving a Man

Their words inspire internationally. Boldly illustrate the colors of political change and voices options in curing our societal ills. Our fractured diction has been preserved through early works of Sonia Sanchez’s, “We a baddDDD People“. Maya Angelou spoke honestly for being sexually irresponsible as she grew to conquer her mystery as a woman in “Just Give Me a Cool Drink of Water ‘Fore I Diiie“. And Ntozake Shange and June Jordan re-defined the writing style known as prose with lengthy poetic pieces. These two could quite easily and possibly be credited for the birth of “performance poetry.” I dare say we unanimously agree that these women join the ranks of men who taught us through their works the tools to envelop a devoted love for our community, children, and self love. Now, as I take on ownership of their continued path, I get lost for direction when it comes to being a selfless artist and balancing a successful relationship simultaneously. They didn’t write that down for me! Is it perhaps because they are all divorced and never remarried themselves? Do they know the answer? So… I wanna’ talk about it…

Why are all my sheroes single?

coupledivorcing

I have not found the poem or story that tells me how to be a vulnerable artist for a voice of people and then sincerely transform into his confidante and lover. The consistent downfall of my relationships are me not being afforded the space and freedom I need to be an artist. The process is very selfish and my partners understand that only 45% of the time. The other 55% is spent with their conscious or unconscious repeated attempts of trying to get to the root of my creative power. If I can’t practice my art with the space I need, I’m half a person. Which means he’ll only be getting half too, then we’re both unhappy and it ends.

I accept total responsibility for the reflection of a man I attract. And for the most part, they are always beautiful, intelligent critically thinking men that respect me. But this art thing always gets in the way. I don’t want to have to choose one or the other. I know nothing is new so I work smart and study my sheroes to ensure I am an active compliment of progressive art. But none of them are celebrating 10-30 years worth of marital bliss… and I haven’t read any recent “I’m in love poems” by them.

I wrote them this below poem, thanking them for their art but also telling them I still have some questions.

Enjoy,

A letter for Sonia and Nikki and Ntozake and Maya and June and Mama

Tediously devoured like a splinter under a nail
I’ve been lost in your world of community and children
packed away my purpose sweet for spring time breakfast just as you said
But / You never told me this

I haven’t read that book or found that poem
that tells me how to love this man while standing.

Thank you.

But, I don’t wanna talk about the movement, I wanna talk about love
I don’t wanna talk about revolution, I wanna talk about love
How to be plain faced
laugh at life with no lip gloss and
teach yesterday with no foundation or blush

I haven’t found ‘forever’ in your anthology and
I’ve bought your hard back books at full price
and saved your soft backs from the bottom bins of library fund raisers.

How do I love this man while standing?

Not that I can’t grow / just not as fast as abandoned ivy
I cautiously confine my leaves and thin out the depthness of my roots like a stressed out sister’s hairline.
How do I not bow my tango for his triumphants?

Thank you for ‘Ego Trippin’ and ‘Phenomenal Woman’
Thank you for corn rows and twists in a world of straight
but I don’t wanna talk about poetry
I wanna know how to evolve our relationships
I want the preserve pack to keep my light shining when I know I’m being too much
I want the time when he will admit he sees me changing for him
Confesses I’m looking like a typical dusty sun ray
usual and common
When will I be safe to tell him I can’t swim without him thereafter testing the waters
When?
Where are the photos of your 40 year marital joys?
The sacrifice he planted running behind you in the fields chasing your dreams

I could hate but would rather continue to imitate your holistic complacency
But / Are we really happy?

Let’s do lunch.

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5 thoughts on “Art and Loving a Man”

  1. I love how this is so personal. Its the same for men tho. Finding the balance. Wifes knowing that they only have a fragment of their other half. Some (men) find mates who submit themselves to the needs of their husbands and their craft. Only very few men can flourish in the identical role. Its the curse of the artist. It is a lonely road…. Being ‘pure’ to your craft.

  2. Oh my goodness, this is a fantastic read. It captures exactly the situation. Show us the women who have stayed married and done it all and can reach back and teach us how to do it too.

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