I danced for what seems like an eternity. Even after the music stopped and everyone was gone. I danced. My legs carried me almost like the wind. I was floating, I was happy. I was dreaming. I woke up and yet again my legs would not move. That dream always made me feel like today would be the day that Multiple Sclerosis, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Scleroderna were no longer a part of my life. I am a wife and a mother of six,….why me?
That dream, the same one I have had for years. I use to think that I wanted to be healed so much that I was taking that desire to bed in hopes it would magically happen while I was asleep. Then I realized that the healing of the body that I craved was manifesting as a healing of the spirit. I saw the world differently since becoming ill. I loved differently. I communicated differently. I even danced differently.
It had taken some time for me to understand why I was dealing with such serious health issues. I tried to blame God and blame myself but the truth was, this was my sacrifice. This would be my way to communicate to the world how determination and faith yield healing and growth.
As women we have so much responsibility. We have to support, feed, nurture, discipline, care for, work, clean, cook, create, build, and love. So often in the midst of all that we forget that we need to be shown the same amount of love and attention that we pour out. We are faucets for the majority of our lives. We pour, we absorb, we squeeze, and we pour again, Our desire to be filled and to have someone in our life that is not a drain but is also a fountain, is what we need most.
I was shocked by illnesses. After all my ministry and my life are based on encouraging and supporting others, But I had to realize and accept that I was being placed in a physical sacrifice. Through that sacrifice, my ministry grew. However. People see my faith and they are inspired.
So I dance in my dreams. I float and smile. I am amazing and I am capable of things I can’t do when I am not asleep. But when my eyes open I realize that my spirit dances and floats while I am awake. I encourage and I uplift and I remind other women, we are victorious not victims. We are examples of God’s grace, mercy, and faith here on earth. It may not always be comfortable, but it will always be worth it. Our hearts want us to be whole. To be complete and capable of all things. But God needs us for special reasons and he chooses us accordingly. You will dance again one day but for now remember you are blessed that no matter what the sacrifice is,…..your spirit still soars.
I am a happily married mother of six boys. I am an Evangelist, a Licensed Missionary, an Inspirational Speaker and a Survivor. I have been blessed in so many ways. Some of those blessings have manifested through my diagnosis of
Multiple Sclerosis. It was not a blessing when it happened, but I immediately started to feel a connection with so many people and things afterwards. I was still alive and living and enjoying the mountaintop. However, my view from the mountaintop changed. I was also diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Chrohn’s, Scleroderma, Fibro, Mysositis. It was an eventful 7 years of my life. I grew so much even though I physically felt I was loosing. My spirit was bursting at the seams. Chronic Illness does not have to be the end of the road. It is in fact a detour. I am going to be victorious because I have faith that my purpose is bigger than any illness. God chose me because He knows me.