She Isn’t Who Appears

You can smile in the face of opposition when you know they are simply there because of a prayer being manifested.  And the yang of the situation is whatever their mission is.  When you remove yourself, detach from emotions, this very moment is what you asked for.  It is what you have imagined in your head, it is what you need.

I announced months ago to friends and family that I would be leaving the field of executive management.  In my journal I write what I want, I meditate these words to white candles and at the gym on the stair climber I imagine what I want.  I have to accept everything that appears in my life from this moment forward is needed to get me there.  Perhaps it will serve me as food or maybe a tack that stuck my in the side to help me later post a reminder message to myself.  Right now,  it has come in the form of another manager on her journey and ours have crossed.

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She stands around 5’8 with horribly applied eye makeup.  Hair to no particular season or fashion.  We’ll call her Ms. Eyeliner.  Ms. Eyeliner can be labeled as a control freak or even incredibly insecure.  She is known to be vindictive.  She leaves her family every week to work with a group of women who could care less of her conversation or existence.  And she has it out for me.  Or does she?  In the moment of things, emotions attached, one can concretely feel this way and express it.  In silence I wonder if my father sent her?

I wonder if her energy was placed in my space during this time by my father.  I’ve been feeling him strong these days.  I am every bit of his hustle and wit.  And I am my mother’s complacency and routine.  Ms. Eyeliner wants to move up as district management and has her own set of skills to use to get her there.  She has to stay in line, in their pocket.  She has to breathe in a methodical way and walk at various speeds depending on the day of the week.  She has rules to obey and the tighter her grip on the puppet strings, the greater her chances are to grow with the company.  I have to remember, even though we interact, she has nothing to do with me.  Ms. Eyeliner is “of” my experience to get me to my next.  Does that make sense?  She and I were placed in this same time to propel forward.  The difference is I comprehend this but she doesn’t.

Ms. Eyeliner thinks it should be her way.  She hasn’t grasped that she too is on a prepaid journey and it should be enjoyed.  Ms. Eyeliner is emotional and her anger can be heard in her voice and shown on her face.  She is away from her family all week.  I wonder if she cries at night?  I wonder if she wants to change her mind and live happy?

This is what I do for her, when others begin to speak ill of her, which is often, I say to them, “she has to be unhappy.”  I pull them outside of the situation and show them how she is being moved and pawned to manipulate those that live in fear.  I remind them how all ill has to come from a sick person.  She can’t be living happy.

And I do myself this favor, I remind me, she is not who she appears.  She is a lesson sent in the form of a 5’8 woman with badly applied eyeliner.  My father sent her.  He knows I have his temper and fiery tongue.  Will I lash out on her?  Or will I grow and look “at” the situation instead of standing “in” it.  This is a good one Dad!  But I get it…

She isn’t who appears… she is really a lily pad getting me to my next place in time.

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