I have been inside of my head for almost a month now. (translation: my nieces and one of my nephews are visiting with my sister, their mom, and their dad.) When I came to the realization I would move down south to get custody of them, I made conscious decisions to listen to the silence of my Inglewood apartment. I would lay in the bed and watch the sunrise chase the stucco across the ceiling. I would pull my bedding to the couch and then lounge upon rising from my slumber with a cup of coffee and a movie from my dvd collection. Time would be timeless and my day would plan itself.
Fast forward to five children: my calendar is full of their appointments and activities. Waking up to their breakfast requests, me needing to be judge for who can watch their tv programs first. In many ways I am more involved with my breath (purpose) versus chasing my daily goals. There is nothing wrong with ambition at all but I suppose when it’s yours, you don’t see the immediate results. Now, with the children, I can see daily the effort of my breath.
I can see smiles of accomplishment on their faces. I can see their sweat overcome defeat. I can hear their laughter break through their fears. It is immediate gratification everyday. The current silence of my home is nostalgic to my creative life and purposeful meditation. But I must admit, I look forward to seeing “the efforts of my breath” soon.